I love PostSecret.  I love reading other people’s secrets & being able to identify with someone out there.  Even when they are completely anonymous.  I love when other people see secrets & think of me.

LibraryDiva saw that secret and mentioned it to me when I was blabbering on about the decision to leave law school.  And it’s so perfect.  I’d rather be happy doing “nothing” than to be unhappy, doing the wrong something.  The next couple of weeks might get annoying with answering questions about said decision but it’s so worth it.

I haven’t been this happy in a long time.

The plan is to take this next semester to really focus on writing.  I’m talking–hanging out in coffee shops with my laptop until they know me by name.

Also, LibraryDiva and I, with some other people at work, are doing this University-wide get-fit program.  It’s this whole big contest where you’re awarded points for working out and for going to different informational sessions.  It should be fun and it will hopefully keep me motivated for working out and eating right.

This year is looking up already.

Families Are Evicted From Homes As Economic Crisis Worsens

Yesterday afternoon the mother asked if I’d seen the mail from Saturday.

I said that no, I had not seen it, yet.

She told me there had been something from the University’s Financial Aid Office so I hurried over to look through the stack of mail.  Indeed, one small envelope with the University logo in the top left corner was waiting for me.  I assumed it was something related to my loans.  It was, but not at all what I was expecting.  The letter notified me that because I had fallen under the “half time” mark with my credit hours, I would not be receiving the loan money this semester.

Huh.

I was scheduled to take the continuation of the same two classes this semester (Contracts II and LARW II) but it had not occurred to me that there might be an issue with credit hours.

Because I’d basically already decided to leave law school, I was only staying this semester to get the loan money.  Sounds stupid, I’m sure, but it’s the truth.  I was scheduled to get loan money that would go above and beyond the tuition.  I’d planned to use it for other bills.  Without the loan money, what reason did I have to suffer through another semester?

I made a pro/con list just to be sure.  The only con that I could come up with for not taking classes this semester was the horror that will be in telling everyone.  I’m half considering a poster or sign that I can carry around and simply hold up when someone asks me about school.  Not only will I have to explain it to everyone that I work with, but as other law students make their way back to the library, they’ll ask, as some already have, about my classes this semester.

The pros far outweigh that one con though:

  • I’ll be able (and more willing) to start English classes in the Summer, rather than wait until next fall
  • I will have time to concentrate on my writing
  • I will be able to read what I want to read
  • I’ll have more time to concentrate on my health (My blood pressure was still down, last I checked, and I’m still getting dizzy fairly often)
  • I won’t have to suffer through another ridiculous wait, wondering about the damage of the curve
  • I might actually be happy again

It’s so crazy and I’m still kind of in shock.  Saturday I was reading a law review article for K.  Sunday I was making pro/con lists.

I have to talk to a few people today but the Contracts class I was supposed to go to tonight?  Nope.  Not gonna happen.

Since it has been about two weeks since my last post, I’m going to go with a quick and easy list for today.

-Christmas was relaxing.  Visited my Aunt & Uncle.  Sat at home with the mother most of the day.

-Had December 25-Jan 3 off from work.  It was AMAZING.

-I was able to spend a couple of afternoons with myFavoriteMedStudent.  Was so great to see her!

-Went to my first [Ice] Hockey game.  It was awesome!

-Saw Where the Wild Things Are at the dollar theater and watched a bunch of movies at home.

-Saw my doctor for a follow up appointment.  My blood pressure went down.  Again.  It isn’t “dangerously” low yet but merely “abnormally” low.  Doc gave me a prescription for something that she hopes will help.  As all of the tests have come back normal, the only thing she came up with was maybe mono but even that, she said, should have shown up in the blood tests.  So tired and cranky I continue.

-New Year’s Eve was fun.  E., K., & I went downtown for “First Night.”  Got there around 4:30 and stayed until just after midnight.  There were a lot of different things going on.  Saw one of my favorite local bands perform, saw the University’s steel drum band perform… There was also a popular Beatles cover band–Hard Day’s Night and many other artists & activities.

-My New Year’s Resolutions are as follows:

  1. To have No Regrets.  This has been a sort of motto of mine for a while.  One of my favorite quotes is:  “Life is fleeting; better to make decisions that you enjoy now than to regret that you didn’t make them later.” -Bob Torres.  I have a couple of regrets from this past year, both of things that I did and things that I didn’t do.  I don’t want any regrets in 2010.
  2. To read 50 books this year.  This past year, with law school, was the first time in quite a few years that I haven’t met that goal.  I still managed to get about 45 books but that included a number of books that I re-read as well as several that I had to read for school.  So I guess this year, my goal will be to read 50 new books.
  3. To finish a novel.  Writing a novel, that is.  I’m working on something right now but I only have about 10,000 words.
  4. To make exercise a priority rather than a chore.

-Finally got my grades from the first semester.  Not thrilled with Contracts but satisfied with LARW.  That’s kind of how I expected it to go, though.

-This week is my last week of semi-freedom.  I’m back at work but classes don’t start until next Monday.  I need to start reading for Contracts soon, but I’m cherishing my last bits of sanity for now.

I went to my doctor on Wednesday and I’m still fairly clueless.

They took my blood pressure and it was “abnormally” low.  Even for me–I tend to run on the lower side in general but this was significantly lower still.  I was also still dehydrated despite my efforts to drink lots of water and juice.

My doctor told me to drink even more water, eat lots of salt, and move slowly.

She had the nurse draw more blood so they could run other tests.  THAT was fun.  Nurses never have an easy time with my veins.  Because I was dehydrated, it was even more difficult.  When she finally got a vein, the blood clotted quickly and it took longer than normal to draw two tubes-full.  She showed me after it was over where my blood was clotting in the tube.  She said it normally took about 20 minutes for that to start to occur.  For me?  Less than 2 minutes.

All week I’ve been playing this game where I go home from work and fight sleep for about a half hour to an hour, eventually succumbing.  I sleep until about 10pm at which time I wake up, get something to eat, and go upstairs to bed.  I’ve done that every day.  I feel like I have a little more energy today so I’m hoping that I’ll be able to enjoy this Friday night but we’ll see.

I hope to hear something about my blood tests next week but if not, I have a follow up appointment scheduled for the week after.  Hopefully, I’ll get some answers.

I had a scary episode Sunday night.

I was taking a shower and I’d just finished washing my hair when I started to feel dizzy.  Very quickly, a number of things happened.  I got a sudden rush of nausea, everything got dark, and I felt like I couldn’t breathe.  I managed to turn off the water and step out of the shower.  I was convinced that I was going to pass out and I figured, there was less chance of breaking my skull on the floor of the bathroom than in the shower.  I don’t know how long it lasted, and I’m sure it was probably only about 30 seconds, but it felt like 10 minutes passed before I was able to see clearly and take a deep breath.

I put on a robe and stumbled out to the living room where I told my mom what happened.  By that time, my ears were ringing and I had a tingling sensation in my hands and feet.  She immediately took my blood pressure and it was scary low–as in I should’ve been dead-low.  She continued to take my blood pressure every couple of minutes until it had raised to an almost normal range but when my pulse continued to race, she took me in to the ER.

At the ER, they immediately put me on a heart monitor and soon thereafter did an EKG.  They also ran tests on urine and blood.  Finally, they stuck me with an IV and gave me fluids, apparently concluding that I was simply dehydrated.  The doctor rambled on about something with a hot shower and blood pressure but I wasn’t paying much attention by that point, as there was an old woman, disoriented and upset in the bed next to me, and a man calling “NURSE?! NURSE?!?!” in another.

When they discharged me, they said I should follow up with my doctor in a couple of days.  I’m pretty sure they tell everyone that but this time I’m actually following through.  I’ve been feeling really weak and run down since the incident.  I get dizzy when I go up the stairs or bend down for any reason.  I’ve had a continuous headache as well as an all over sort of dull ache.

Awesome!

So tomorrow I have an appointment scheduled with my doctor.  Hopefully she can give me a clue as to what’s going on here.