I’ve seriously questioned my sanity today.

This morning I was working at the circulation desk and I checked out a book to one of the professors–Professor R.  Gave her the due date.  All was well in the world.

Photo by Lin Pernille ♥ Photography

Then.  About an hour ago, one of the librarians came up to me and handed that same book back to me.  He said a different professor–Professor M–was returning the book because it wasn’t what she wanted.  I confirmed the name.  Not once, but twice.  Different professor…hmmm….

The wheels started to turn.  The two professors are approximately the same age.  Both have light-ish hair–light brown to blonde, I’d say.  One major difference though.  Professor R is currently quite pregnant.  Professor M is not.  Not even a little.  I went over it repeatedly in my head until I started to really wonder whether I’d somehow mistaken the two–If a woman, clearly not pregnant, had somehow registered in my head as one who clearly is pregnant.

Or if I hadn’t, was it possible that the librarian had made the mistake and confused the two?

I explained to the librarian that the book was checked out on Professor R’s account and then double & triple checked–Professor M didn’t have any holds waiting for her here, nor did she have any holds linked to her library account.  It didn’t make sense.  The librarian said he’d check to see what Professor M was actually waiting for and told me that I should check with Professor R about the book situation.

Venting to a friend, I said,

Someone is going crazy.  It’s either me, the librarian, or Professor R.  I hope it’s not me…but I fear that it is.

So, with what I hoped was a light and joking tone, I emailed Professor R.  It started like this:

Please forgive me, as it is very possible that I’m losing my mind, but I believe I checked a book out to you this morning at the library circulation desk…

And it ended like this:

…I’m hoping that you can shed some light on the situation–either by telling me that I am, in fact, losing my mind, and I didn’t not check the book out to you, or that perhaps the book was set down and then placed in Professor M’s mailbox by someone else.  Regardless, I appreciate your time.

In the end, it turned out that one of the secretaries in the Dean’s office must have put it in the wrong mailbox.

I guess I’m not crazy.  At least, not yet.

…But I still don’t know what the heck Professor M was talking about.

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Last night in LARW, we started to talk about our third and final Memo of the semester.  (Crazy–the semester is quickly nearing the end!)  It deals with premises liability.  As I think I’ve mentioned before, I’ve found that I actually enjoy legal research and writing, for the most part.  That realization was, quite honestly, very surprising.  But really, as long as I give myself enough time–where I’m not feeling rushed to complete the assignment–I enjoy the puzzle that it often is.  You’re given a problem, essentially, and you have to predict what the outcome will be, based on the relevant law.

In many ways, it’s like writing a research paper for one of my undergrad English classes.  The research part of it is, anyway.  When it comes time for the writing, it’s definitely been a different sort of challenge–but a challenge that I can appreciate.  I’ve become much more aware of what and how I write.  I stop and analyze sentences and even words.  Before this class, writing was, for me, something that either flowed or didn’t.  It wasn’t nearly so technical.

But, getting back to last night’s class, specifically… It was actually pretty funny.  The hypo isn’t anything too controversial and our professor just gave it to us last night so it wasn’t even as though we’d had time to sit on it & think about it.  Even so, when he opened it up for a little bit of discussion, some people got pretty feisty about their opinions.

Photo by hnnhlh14

These two girls behind me were going back and forth arguing one point–not even a part of the class discussion, as a whole.  At one point, Professor S quieted everyone down and asked if they had something they wanted to say and the one girl said:

Oh, yeah.  She has something she wants to say.

It wasn’t in a snotty way at all–she’s actually very sweet–but you could tell she was getting a bit heated during their exchange.  The guy sitting next to her said, “Yeah.  Seriously.  She’s ready to go to trial on this one.”

One woman, who just irks me for reasons I can’t articulate, raised her hand and said:

I don’t have an opinion…but I’ll form one.

I think I made a rude face at her–she sits 2 rows ahead of me–because Professor S made eye-contact with me and sort of smiled/smirked, while Crazy was rambling.  (I really like Professor S!)  I mean seriously, though–if you don’t have an opinion, why did you raise your hand??  Form your opinion, then speak.

Also, speaking of people who irk me…This is the guy who, on the first day of LARW, when we were introducing ourselves (it’s a small class), proudly proclaimed that he wanted to be a TV judge.  Now, I’m not quick to call a question stupid because I tend to think that if one person has a question, many others will have that question.  Often, I’m wondering the same thing.  Not with this guy though.  I don’t remember his exact question, but Professor S’s response was:

So you want to challenge the facts?!  No.  You cannot warp the facts of the case.

Oy.

And one final quote, for now, from dear Professor S:

So what you’re asking is how much feedback I’ll give you.  Which might go better in a conference…When you get up in my face about your grade…?  Which I wouldn’t advise…You might regret it.

 

Photo by The Marmot

So I stayed home from work, sick, on Thursday and Friday. I even stayed home from class Thursday night.  Possibly a very bad idea, but I’ll try to get notes from someone tonight.

I’m nearly positive that it wasn’t the flu but rather something like my body just wanting to shut down out of exhaustion.  I had a fever off & on.  A steady head ache as well as an all-over sort of ache.  I barely moved Thursday & Friday.  Honestly, I didn’t even think about touching my school work.  And I did very little over the weekend.  Saturday I went out to Starbucks with a friend and did some research on Lexis for my third Memo.  Sunday, the plan was to do my outline and bibliography for the Memo, which is due tonight.  What actually happened:  I read through about half of the cases that I found and played Sims for most of the day.  What that means:  I will be scurrying to get everything done between 3:45, when I finish work, and 6:30, when class starts.  I’m tired just thinking about it.

Yesterday, Mother Dearest made a comment  that really made me angry.  She asked if I was going to quit–drop out of school.  At first, I thought she was joking, so I nodded my head yes.  And then she said, “Because I would really understand if you decided this was just too much.”  I don’t think she believes that I’m taking this seriously.  I responded with something like:  “I must be headed for failure if my own mother doesn’t even think I can finish law school.”  She was quick to go back and try to cover herself by saying, “I didn’t say that you couldn’t finish.  I just know that it’s been exhausting for you.”

Yes.  It’s been exhausting.  But it’s exhausting for everyone.  Right?  I mean, I’m not the only one who wants to crawl into a hole hibernate for a good month or so… Right?  RIGHT?

I’ve quit a lot of things in my life.  I quit softball when I was a kid.  I quit ballet, tap, jazz, etc.  I quit girl scouts.  I’ve never been fired from a job, so for every job that I’ve had, there was a point when I decided to quit.  And yet, I wouldn’t consider myself a quitter.  There are many things that I’ve done for [relatively] long periods of time.  I played flute from fifth grade through my senior year of high school.  I worked at the public library for three years, which isn’t a long time in the grand scheme of things but when you consider that I hated going to work almost every day during that period, I’d say I did pretty well.  Also, three years–when I’m only 24–is a decent chunk of time, I think.  And when I quit that job, it was because I had a better offer.

One thing I’ve never quit at, though, has been school.  I will be the first to admit that I’m not always a hard worker.  But I’ve always managed to do well, regardless.  I don’t know how…but it comes together, somehow, in the end.

But this is law school.  This is different.  I am working hard.  Not as hard as some people, I’m sure, but harder than others.  Some days, I don’t know if I’ll make it.  But the thing is…if I don’t make it, it’s going to be because they’ve dragged me out of here, kicking and screaming.  I refuse to go quietly.

I am not a quitter.

Last night, I went home after work and just crashed.  I did no reading for class, no studying.  Watched tv while I ate some dinner, and was asleep before the episode was over.

Everyone and literally (some of) their mothers are sick around here.  People have been out with the flu and there’s been a number on campus who have had documented cases of H1N1.  I’m really not freaking out about H1N1, specifically…It’s just sick in general that I can’t handle.  I do NOT have time.  Not that anyone has time to be sick, but especially if you are among the crazy part-time law students, and working full time…

 

And I swear I’m not getting ready to throw a pity party here, but when you work in the school that you attend, you can’t even call off sick to work with the hope of still making it to class because someone will then question whether you were really sick.  I’ve talked to some of my classmates who have already used sick/vacation time this semester just for catching up on school work.

However, tomorrow it is very possible that I will be doing just that–calling off sick, that is.  I’ve been feeling ridiculously weak, tired, and achy, with sore throat and head aches.  Since my office mate has been out the past two days sick, there is a good chance that I caught something from her–or one of the millions of other sick people around here.

Tonight, my dilemma is this:  Do I go home and take a nap before class?  And simply pray that my professor doesn’t then call on me (as I haven’t done the reading)?  Do I stay here, and suffer through it until my 8:30 class?  Get my reading done and maybe even take a short nap here in the library?

And then what about tomorrow?  I’m really hoping that this passes and I feel back to normal in the morning.  But if it doesn’t…?  Well, I’ve already warned my boss that I might call in sick.  If I stay home, I suppose I’ll try to get to the doctor but again, I have the class issue.  It’s never a good idea to skip class and especially when it’s one that you really don’t understand the content (Contracts).  On the other hand, if I go to class and I really do have some version of the flu, I’ll just be passing it to others.  Also, not good.

Oh, school.  Why must you complicate everything?

Dino kept me awake last night with his stupid wheel.  I don’t blame him at all.  Tis only his nature.  I blame the wheel.  The silent spinner. Yeah.  Silent, my rear.

Okay.  So it’s not really the wheel that’s the problem either.  The wheel itself is pretty quiet.  Not silent but not bad.  The problem is that, when Dino gets running–and believe me, he runs–the wheel moves.  As in–the whole thing moves.  Regardless of where I put it, it moves, closer and closer to the side of the tank, until, at last, with every stinkin’ rotation of the wheel, I hear a thump, thump, thump, thump.  He takes a break, occasionally, to get a drink of water, or to hike up to the top level for a bite to eat…but then it’s back on the wheel and thump, thump, thump, thump.

Last night I was able to laugh about it.  A bit manically, I’ll admit, but still, I was laughing.  I finally fell asleep around 1:30.  This morning, however, when I woke up at 5:30, I was not laughing.

I have to figure something out… Perhaps, I’ll buy some of those chew treats and wedge them between the bottom and the wall of the tank so if Dino decides to chew on them, he’ll be okay.

I suppose it goes without saying that today will most certainly be a coffee day.  Not that everyday isn’t a coffee day… But today is especially so.  And coffee days make me think of Gilmore Girls.  It’s one of my favorite shows of all time–not even gonna lie.  Gilmore Girls makes me smile; I need to smile today.  And since I can’t sit at the circulation desk and watch Gilmore Girls, I’ll settle for a couple of coffee quotes instead, thanks to Cocoa Java.

Lorelai: Please, Luke. Please, please, please.
Luke: How many cups have you had this morning?
Lorelai: None.
Luke: Plus…
Lorelai: Five, but yours is better.
Luke: You have a problem.
Lorelai: Yes, I do.
Luke pours her coffee.
Luke: Junkie.
Lorelai: Angel. You’ve got wings, baby.
A man watches Lorelai drink her coffee, then walks over to her.
Joey: You make that look really good.
Lorelai: Oh it is really good. It’s the best coffee in town.
Joey: Oh yeah? I’ll have to get a cup.
Lorelai: Good plan.


Lorelai: I already had the longest day of my life and it’s only ten o’clock.
Luke: There’s no coffee.
Lorelai: That’s not funny.
Luke: I can give you herbal tea.
Lorelai: This is not an herbal tea morning. This is a coffee morning.
Luke: Every morning for you is a coffee morning.
Lorelai: This is a jumbo coffee morning. I need coffee in an I.V.
Luke: I can give you tea and a balance bar.
Lorelai: Please, please, please tell me you’re kidding.
Luke: I’m kidding.
Lorelai: You’re sick.
Luke: Yep.
Lorelai: You’re a fiend!
Luke: For here or to go.
Lorelai: To go please.
Luke: You want to know what this stuff does to your nervous system?
Lorelai: Do you have a chart? Because I love charts.

I adopted a hamster this weekend.

I’ve never really been up close and personal with a hamster before, believe it or not, so I had a number of questions when I went to the “pet store” yesterday.  It was actually kind of funny because when you’re getting a hamster, apparently people assume you have a kid.  The lady was like, “So how old is your kid?”  And I should have just said “24” and been done with it, but for some reason, I was momentarily embarrassed…I said something like, “Oh, the hamster will be a family pet…”

Then I was asking if I should get everything set up at home before taking the hammie home.  And she said, “Well, some people take everything home at the same time but maybe you’ll want to bring the whole family back to pick out the hamster.”  I think she was mocking me.

Anyway, I went home & got the hamster habitat set up. I started off with a 10 gallon tank.  I’d read pros and cons for the different sorts of habitats but decided a tank would be best for us.  I bought a wheel, a little edible house, bedding, a water bottle, and food, as well as the 10 gallon tank & a mesh sort of lid.

Then I went back out to pick up hammie.  I decided to go to a different store.  For two reasons.  First, so I didn’t run into the lady who was expecting me to come in with 14 kids in tow.  Second, because there was actually a store closer to my house that I’d forgotten about initially.  No, really.  I swear.

When I got to the store, I asked the girl if there were any hamsters that had been hanging around the store longer than the others.  She said that the Teddy Bear Hamster had been there a while and had just lost his roommate a couple of days earlier.  So that was that.  Teddy was coming home with me.  The whole drive home, I talked to the little guy who was busily trying to claw his way out of the box, that I held in my lap.  I told him about the other animals in his new home.  I told him who he should try to avoid and who he might be able to make friends with.  I asked him if he already had a name and if so, what it was.  He didn’t respond, so we decided to go with “Dino.”

Dino

He settled in quite well, once home.  But I felt like he needed a little more space, so today I went out and got a “tank topper” to expand his quarters a bit.  He’s spent quite  a bit of time outside the confines of his habitat and he is a very gentle & cuddly little guy.  But very quick so I have to keep an eye on him–don’t want him to get lost in the disaster that is my bedroom.

Dino's Habitat

The only animal that has been formally introduced to Dino so far is Sherlock.  He seems to be very concerned that we have an uninvited guest in the room.

Sherlock meets Dino

Love my companion animals 🙂

Okay.  I realize that it is only the second full week of October but it was a busy week.  And I said from the beginning that I probably wouldn’t blog every day.  But here I am trying to redeem myself.  Again.

So Wednesday was my Contracts final.  It was .C.R.A.Z.Y.  Not because it was necessarily that difficult…because honestly, I don’t know what is difficult at this point.  In other words, everything is difficult for me.  heh.

Anyway.  It was a stressful day.  Class wasn’t until 8:30 so I sat around after work studying.  And freaking out.  I didn’t worry too much up to that point but as my time slipped away, the break-down sneaked in.  But only a minor break-down.  Until I got to the class room, that is, and my computer decided to freak out.  When it was rebooting with the exam software, it just sort of stopped.  I called one of the wonderful IT guys over who looked over my shoulder and helped me get things running again but he left me with a warning: “When you finish, click Exit Exam but don’t touch anything else.  Come see us.”  Yeah…that didn’t help with the nerves.  The entire exam was filled with worry that at any point my computer would just decide I was finished.  Everything turned out okay but it was not a good way to start off my first law school exam.

I got home that night, exhausted, but fairly content.  I felt like…Ok, I probably didn’t do incredibly well, but now I know how I want to and need to study for the final.  The midterm was required but didn’t actually count for a grade so even if I failed it won’t hurt me in the end.

I felt like I knew more than I thought I did…if that makes any sense.

But yesterday, that changed.  In class, the professor went over what he was looking for in the exam.  Heh heh heh.  I got some of it.  And I have absolutely no idea what kind of a grade he’ll give me.  But I know I was missing a lot.  So all night, I was sitting there going through my head, thinking, “What am I doing here?”  “Why did I think I should do this?”  “Why did I think I could do this??”

I’m feeling less of that today but I think that’s just because it’s Friday and I’m going out tonight.

We’ll see how I feel tomorrow…