Life According to Me

Iced cake decorated with happy birthday candles

One of the interesting things about this whole blogging thing is watching the search terms that lead people to my little corner of the blogosphere.  Recently, this popped up:

“i work at a library” social phobia

Prince William Visits New Zealand - Day 2

I guess the reason I’m so amused by it is that, while I can piece together why that search might’ve lead someone here, I’ve never actually written about it… And yet.  And yet. I do sort of have a social phobia.  And I do work at a library.

I’m a fairly anti-social person.  I have a handful of good friends but 9 times out of 10, give me the choice between going out to a party or a bar, and staying home to watch a movie or read a book….And I’m going to stay home.

But, like I said, I work at a library.  I’ve been in my current position for a little over a year but before that, I worked at other librarys for a total of about three years.  And always, always public service.  Why??  I’m not a huge fan of people (I very much prefer the company of animals!), so why do I continue to put myself in this position?  I honestly don’t know.

So to whoever searched “i work at a library” social phobia–I understand.  I feel your pain.

My favorite word lately has been “egocentric.”

From the OED:

a. Centred in the ego; in vague or popular use: self-centred, egoistic.

b. Philos. egocentric predicament, the supposed impossibility of knowing anything outside one’s own mind.

Also as n., one who is self-centred. So {smm}egocen{sm}tricity, ego{sm}centrism, the state or quality of being egocentric; self-centredness; ego{sm}centrically adv.

Part of the reason I like this word so much is because I’m given so many opportunities to use it, working in a law library.  No offense to any law students–I used to be one!–but I think it takes a certain amount of egocentricity to go to law school… to be in the world of law at all, for that matter.  I don’t think it’s necessarily a bad thing.  It’s just necessary, in a sense, in order to be successful.

Egocentricity isn’t necessary for everyone, though.  While I think everyone gets a case of it from time to time, someone who is consistently egocentric is hard to deal with.

The reason I’m ranting about egocentricity is this:  I was thinking about my previous post.  I put it out there, without going into much detail, because it’s something that’s been on my mind.  It’s funny though–With the lack of detail, any single person reading it might’ve had an idea as to who they thought I was writing about, which is totally fine.  But the person I was actually writing about, is so completely lacking egocentricity that there would probably never be an assumption of any kind.

Is it possible to be “just friends” with someone that you have feelings for?

I used to think that it couldn’t be done.  I’ve never been good at staying friends with exes.  And, in the past, if I had feelings for someone and things never worked out between us, I just moved on.

But then I met someone who changed everything…

When you find that you care for someone so much–much more than expected–the thought of struggling with feelings that can’t be acted upon is more bearable than the thought of simply breaking off a friendship entirely.

Some days it might be harder than others but you deal with it.

And life does go on.  One day you’ll wake up and be able to think fondly of your friend–without the pain.  You’ll be able to appreciate the friendship for what it is.  Just a friendship.  You’ll find that it is possible to be “just friends.”

Yesterday I was in training at work from 8am until about 3pm with a break for lunch.  It was a lot of information and just a long day overall.  Needless to say, the last thing on my mind was posting.  But I do like including some of my tweets here so I give you Twitter Tuesday…on Wednesday.

  • Getting excited about the Dean Martin Festival. The next 2 months need to fly! 9:23 AM Apr 20th via Flock
  • Sorrow makes us all children again – destroys all differences of intellect. The wisest know nothing. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson #quotes 12:49 PM Apr 20th via Flock
  • Just looked in mirror. Saw wrinkles under eyes. Am devastated. 7:08 PM Apr 21st via UberTwitter
  • Just finished the book sale marathon. Final count of 6 bags. Spent about $25. Not bad. 2:23 PM Apr 24th via UberTwitter
  • Coffee and books. Might sound boring to some but it’s the perfect way to end a busy day in my world. 8:04 PM Apr 24th via UberTwitter
  • Mildly attractive guy sitting outside at starbucks. Smoking–minus several points. Talking on 1 phone while looking at another–idiot. 12:01 PM Apr 25th via UberTwitter
  • Just got my acceptance for Grad School. Yay!!! 1:49 PM Apr 26th via UberTwitter
High surf, southern Australian coast, Australia

…pain ebbs and flows.

You can be waltzing through life, going about business, and that tide will just hit you.  Seemingly out of the blue.  Unexpected.

Like a Ton. Of . Bricks.

Pain, especially grief, is unpredictable.

If you’ve lost someone close to you, you’ll understand what I’m saying.

If you haven’t lost someone close to you…well, you are lucky, but–unfortunately–one day, you too will understand the feeling.  Short of putting up walls and refusing to love, everyone out there is going to know the pain and grief of losing a parent, a friend, or, God-forbid, a child, at some point or another.

They say time heals all wounds.

They are full of shit.

Not even going to lie.

Or at least as far as I can tell.

As time passes, you might get away with longer stretches of anguish-free existence but the pain of losing someone close, never really goes away.

The past week in Tweets…

  • Cleveland-bound for the Indians home opener. Yayyyyy!!! 12:11 PM Apr 12th via UberTwitter
  • Old drunk men next to me are talking (and giggling) about nuts. Do guys *ever* grow up? 3:45 PM Apr 12th via UberTwitter
  • Just saw a “WTF” bumper sticker. I want it. 5:42 PM Apr 13th via UberTwitter
  • Lots of coffee + good friends = better day 6:19 PM Apr 14th via UberTwitter
  • I’m thankful for my friends who bring and/or offer to bring me coffee at work! 🙂 9:47 AM Apr 15th via Flock
  • Determined to make today a good day. Which probably means that it will suck. 6:37 AM Apr 19th via UberTwitter

If you aren’t doing so already, follow me on twitter:  @kmf85!

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